Morbid Thoughts

I have been focusing a lot on morbid things - like people who died in 9/11 or people who died in the partition… I think it’s how I process death. My grandma died recently and maybe that is causing all this morbidity. But not just regular death… but rather a painful one. Maybe because she lived her life in pain. Ever since grandpa died, she died every day of her life. I don’t think it’s just because he was her husband. I think it’s also because he understood her pain and gave so much to her. I don’t think anyone else ever came close to what he did for her… hmmm okay maybe my mom and dad were there for her and supported her in tangible ways. And my aunts and uncles visited and kept in touch with her. But emotionally, grandpa was her world. He got her. He looked beyond the obvious behaviors and symptoms to the person inside. He saw her.  After he was gone, she lived in pain in silence. And maybe that’s why I am feeling this morbid right now. Hopefully I will stop feeling like this.

I do wonder what she might be thinking if she saw me now. Hopefully she is at peace.