Feeling Attacked

Yesterday I had a heated discussion with a friend about consent. He said that oftentimes men are not even aware that they need to ask women for consent before touching them casually. And often times they get villainized even though they have no intentions of touching a woman inappropriately. He kept alluding to an incident where an acquaintance of ours touched me to help me in a rollerblading rink and I told my friends later that I did not feel comfortable being touched. He said that looking as an outsider, he couldn't even tell from our interaction that I did not welcome that touch.

Honestly I felt a little attacked. Just because I did not scream and shout, it does not mean that I wanted this acquaintance to touch me. I did indicate with my body language that I did not want him to touch me. I tried to get away from him as soon as I could. Mind you, I was on roller blades at that time and it was not easy to move and I did not want to appear as a rude person. But I also did not want to be touched by a guy I barely knew. Especially as he did not even ask my permission before touching my waist and tried to help me when I did not even ask for his help. This is what we women go through. I am not saying that this man is a rapist or his intentions were bad. I think he is probably just bad at social cues and doesn't get it that not every woman wants to be touched without permission. Personally I feel that I have the permission to decide who can or cannot touch me. It is a dangerous precedent to set by trying to justify a man touching a woman without her permission because men don't get trained about shit like this. And even if he doesn't have such training... at least it is common sense that if someone is trying to get away from you, you stop touching them. It's not like I screamed at him or shamed him socially. The only thing I have done since then is try to stay as far away from him as possible because I don't feel safe around him. I mean he didn't ask my permission the first time. What if he doesn't ask my permission again or take liberties out of ignorance if I don't speak up. Am I not permitted to feel safe?

My friend kept saying that maybe I was reacting due to past trauma from having faced guys who were touching me inappropriately. And that this person is not a bad person.

But the way I see things, I didn't feel safe because he didn't ask for my permission to touch my body. And as a woman I can tell when someone is touching me casually. I have male friends. My friend kept trying to justify why I didn't like this person's touch. Honestly it hurt a lot to hear stuff like that. Because he 's a man. He can never understand what I feel like as a woman. I am not saying that men don't get touched inappropriately. Or that they don't get hurt by such actions. But honestly if I man told me that he didn't like it when someone touched him without his permission, I would never try to justify his attacker. Ignorance is not an excuse.

There are a lot of women who never say anything when they are being touched inappropriately because they feel that it will cause trouble or that they will be attacked for speaking up, but then they continue to suffer in silence. Not speaking up doesn't negate their suffering.

I will never not speak up when I am in such a circumstance. It is dangerous not to do so. Communication is even more useful in circumstances where someone is ignorant. The next time I run into someone who is not even aware that they should not be touching me without my permission, my words might help them learn that maybe they are wrong and they always should ask permission to touch me before touching me.