Cliched or what?

I hate cliches. I hate stereotypes. Yet here I am pining over a guy. Could I be anymore cliched. It's so unoriginal. I wish I didn't have the brains to understand how unoriginal that desire is. Not that it's wrong to want someone. But come on, why do I have to be so stubborn? Why do I have to want what I want? I wish I could convince myself to be happy with what I get. But nope. I shoot myself in the foot by dreaming big. And while it's okay to dream big, you have to have realistic expectations from life. But nope, my heart won't listen. Urgh, can I get anymore cliched? How can I get out of this dump? I would rather be focusing on improving my skills, becoming a better professional. Or at least that's what I should be wanting. But no, I have to destroy the privilege that I live with which I have done nothing to earn. Countless women before me have worked hard to earn our right in society to matter. And yet I throw it away over a stupid crush. That's what everyone would call it. I don't even like the guy. I have no interest in hearing about the things he talks about. Nada. Yet here I am wondering what I can do to make him see me. Not that he can see me. He doesn't know who I am. How will he even know to look for me? There is no telepathy in the real world. No magic. I could try to use the secret/law-of-attraction. But when I think about it, I start wondering... do I really want this guy? Or is it just the idea of him that makes me happy? The fact that someone exists that I can like even though I don't care to hear about his work or the things he's passionate about. Will I suddenly realize that I don't want him when I spend time with him? Or am I deluding myself? Why do I live in the fantasy world? What pisses me off is that once I come down to reality, I will be super sad. I hate that for myself. I will lose interest in reality. I will feel cheated. I know because this has happened before. And then I will probably decide that maybe I am better off on my own and isolate myself from the world. Because I can't handle the thought of not being with the man of my dreams and I don't want to adjust at all. And then I wonder - is that what the rest of the world does? Do most people live with relationships even if they're not the ones they dreamt of? Do they adjust their expectations? Or are their expectations more realistic to start with? Is it stupid to want to be with someone I am attracted to. I mean if I'm choosing someone for life, I would rather be with someone who makes my heart race... right? Someone who makes me believe in love and romance. Someone with whom makes me blush. Urgh. This is so stupid. I hate that I need romance. I hate that a relationship requires both parties to say yay or nay. Makes it really hard to get the guys you want. Comparatively, dealing with inanimate things is super easy. Heck getting a dog is super easy. Sadly the dog has no choice but to accept you and your love. He can't ask for a refund and get a new owner. :P Sometimes I even wonder that maybe this is an addiction to fantasies. Sugar makes you happy. So do fantasies. But sugar doesn't make you healthy. Maybe if I spent more time focusing in the real things in life, I could have a diet of healthy desires and dreams and be content. Is contentment true happiness? What's the right ratio of fantasy to reality that I should indulge in? I think... that's it! It's just like sugar. Our brains need a limited amount of sugar to work properly. But anymore than that, and we get addicted. Similarly our mind needs imagination and fantasies to sometimes solve problems that may seem insurmountable. Yet we still need a strong dose of reality to live healthy happy lives. That's my aim. To indulge in fantasies within a limit. So I can focus on real things like skills I can learn or real people who make my life meaningful. If I am meant to be with a man who makes my heart skip a beat, that will happen on its own. ;) I have put my desire out there in the universe. I gotta trust that it's out there and live my life. Let the chips fall where they may...