What defines a successful life?

Had a long conversation with a friend today about what it means to live a fulfilling life. I explained how exciting the idea of being an entrepreneur is to me and that, even if I married a multi-millionaire, I would still want to have a job. He didn’t see it the same way. He asked, Why would you need a job in that case? Why not just spend your time learning new things for the rest of your life?

I told him that if I weren’t contributing meaningfully to society, creating something new, or making a difference in some way, I would feel stagnant. I need to keep discovering my potential, pushing past my fears, and growing. He questioned, Why do you need to do that? I answered simply: Because it makes me feel alive and brings me joy. And without feeling alive and joyous, life wouldn’t have meaning.

We both had a lot to say, but his main point was that a long time ago, he realized conventional success isn’t necessary for a happy life—that we don’t always need to be chasing the next high. He believes many people are wired for ambition due to their life circumstances. At least, that’s how I understood his perspective. I still have questions about it, and we agreed to revisit the conversation later.

I don’t deny that life circumstances shape our outlook and choices, but ultimately, whether or not we consciously reflect on them, we are always choosing who we become. Some people choose hardship as a challenge. Others coast through life. Some people actively shape their direction, while others let external forces dictate their path. But even passivity is a choice. Not everyone wants the same things, and that’s okay.

Throughout the conversation, he kept questioning my motives, and I appreciated it—it made me think more deeply about what I truly want. At one point, he asked, Do you think more success will attract more men into your life? I said no, because to me, the two are unrelated. I want success for many reasons, but a big one is that I always want to be able to take care of myself. Growth is how I prepare for an unpredictable future.

Money comes and goes. Success comes and goes. But if you’ve achieved something once, you know you can do it again. There are no guarantees in life, but I want to live well—not just financially, but in health, relationships, fulfillment, and joy. Could I be happy simply going to school and learning endlessly without ever applying that knowledge? No. Eventually, I’d start asking: Why am I even learning this? What’s the point if I never use it?

I believe that applying skills in real life teaches lessons that theory never can. You can’t truly learn something in depth without going beyond a surface-level understanding. I’d rather master a few things well than casually explore fifty topics.

When I work and use my brain, or when I push myself in dance classes, I enter a state of joy. Having a goal—whether a deadline, a challenge, or a competition—sharpens my focus and gives me purpose. It makes me feel good to know I’m achieving something, even if it’s small, even if no one else knows about it.

Is there a deeper reason for this drive? Does it simply satisfy my ego? Probably. But I don’t think it’s possible to live entirely free of ego. Some level of self-interest is necessary—without it, the human species wouldn’t have survived.

“Disclaimer: This post was edited with the assistance of ChatGPT.”